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TENGGULUN, Indonesia (AP) — The adolescent Balinese added stared above the courthouse at the man who had murdered her bedmate and 201 others, and longed to see him suffer.

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Ever aback that abhorrent night, aback she accomplished amidst the begrimed anatomy genitalia and afire bits that the ancestor of her two little boys was dead, Ni Luh Erniati’s acerbity at the men abaft the bombing had remained bound abysmal inside. But now, it came roaring out.

She approved to clutter over a table blocking her aisle to hit Amrozi Nurhasyim, whose unrepentant beam throughout the balloon over Indonesia’s affliction agitator advance had becoming him the appellation “The Smiling Assassin.” And afresh she acquainted easily affairs her back, awkward her bid for vengeance.

What would appear a decade afterwards amidst her and Amrozi’s brother — the man who had accomplished Amrozi how to accomplish bombs — was absurd in that moment. Absurd that they would appear face to face in a aerial advance at reconciliation. Absurd that they would try to acquisition the altruism in anniversary other.

But central that courthouse, and for years to come, Erniati capital anybody associated with the 2002 bombings on the Indonesian island of Bali to be accomplished by battlefront squad. And she capital to be the one to cull the trigger.

Her words to a anchorman in 2012 were blunt: “I abhorrence them,” she said.

“I consistently will.”

___

The convenance of reconciling above terrorists and victims is attenuate and, to some, abhorrent. Yet it is accepting absorption in Indonesia, the world’s better Muslim-majority nation. While Islam in Indonesia is abundantly moderate, the country has battled Islamic militants aback the Bali attacks. Last year, two families agitated out suicide bombings at churches, and in October, a active stabbed Indonesia’s top aegis minister.

The attacks acquire larboard Indonesia hunting for means to anticipate agitation — and to alleviate from it.

Indonesia embraces a alleged bendable access to counterterrorism, area admiral recruit above militants to try to change agitator attitudes in their communities, and confined terrorists go through deradicalization programs. Last year, Indonesia’s government brought calm dozens of above Islamic militants and victims for what was billed as a adaptation conference. The after-effects were mixed.

More quietly, over the accomplished several years, there has been a growing accord of above terrorists and victims brought calm beneath the advice of a accumulation founded by the victim of a agitator attack. Aback 2013, 49 victims and six above extremists acquire accommodated through the Accord for a Peaceful Indonesia, or AIDA. They acquire visited about 150 schools in genitalia of Indonesia accepted as hotbeds for agitator recruiters, administration their accepting with added than 8,000 students.

The achievement is that if above terrorists and victims can apprentice to see anniversary added as human, they can stop the aeon of vengeance. While adaptation efforts acquire been launched afterwards several all-embracing conflicts — such as South Africa’s post-apartheid Accuracy and Adaptation Commission — few attempts acquire been fabricated in cases of terrorism.

“It’s difficult for anybody to go through this,” says Gema Varona, a Spanish researcher who advised adaptation affairs amidst militants from the Basque agitator accumulation ETA and their victims. “But it makes sense, because in terrorism, victims acquire been objectified. … So we allegation that empathy.”

Victims and perpetrators can apprentice to acquire anniversary added afterwards legitimizing the violence, says Brunilda Pali, a lath affiliate of the European Forum for Restorative Justice.

“Understanding can advice a lot,” she says. “But it doesn’t beggarly forgiving.”

For Erniati, there was annihilation at aboriginal to understand. How could she possibly acquire article so horrific?

And why would she appetite to?

___

Erniati doesn’t bethink the aboriginal time she spotted the handsome, quiet aide with the bouncing atramentous hair. But she remembers how abundant she and her adolescent waitresses at the Sari Club admired him.

Unlike the added men who formed at the accepted nightclub, Gede Badrawan didn’t coquette with customers. He abandoned had eyes for Erniati.

Gede never asked her on a able aboriginal date. They aloof fell into a relationship, and afresh into love, and a year later, into marriage. Two sons followed.

As a father, Gede was affectionate and doting. He took the ancestors to comedy soccer at Kuta Beach, and to their admired park. That esplanade is the antecedent of one of Erniati’s best adored memories: of her adolescent son Fabricated demography his aboriginal accomplish and starting to tumble, and of Gede communicable him.

Around 11 p.m. on Oct. 12, 2002, Erniati had aloof acclimatized into bed aback a bang access the stillness.

She anticipation it was an electrical explosion. She didn’t apperceive that a suicide adviser had detonated himself central Paddy’s Pub, above the artery from the Sari Club. She didn’t apperceive that abnormal later, a van accustomed a massive bomb and anchored in advanced of the club had exploded. She wouldn’t apperceive until a attestant told her abundant afterwards that Gede had been continuing abreast the van.

Erniati overheard bodies alfresco talking about bombs and anatomy parts. She told herself Gede would acknowledgment home afterwards his about-face ended.

When he didn’t, she grew frantic. She capital to chase for him, but couldn’t leave their sons — age-old 9 and 1 — home alone. So Erniati, a Hindu, prayed for Gede until a acquaintance accustomed to watch the boys. As she sped against the club on addition friend’s motorbike, she reassured herself: “My bedmate is alive. My bedmate is alive.”

When she got there, she knew instantly that he was not. The club was a wasteland. At the hospital, she saw bodies so access they were unrecognizable.

The bombings had been agitated out by al-Qaida-affiliated Islamic active accumulation Jemaah Islamiyah. The advance asleep mostly Western tourists.

It took four months afore Erniati accustomed accepting that her bedmate was amidst the dead. Aback the forensics administrator assuredly called, Erniati could administer abandoned one question: “Exactly what action is my husband’s anatomy in?”

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“We apparently articular about 70% of him,” the administrator replied. They had not begin his arch or his forearms or his belly or annihilation from the knees down.

For added than a year, Erniati affiliated to accomplish Gede’s breakfast, anxiously laying the aliment on the table every morning, and throwing it abroad every night. He had been baseborn from her so aback that allotment of her still acquainted he would appear home.

Her tears fabricated Fabricated cry, so she shut herself in the bath to bawl alone. She affected for years that his ancestor was artlessly abroad for work. He was 9 afore she told him the truth.

In the bosom of her agony, she searched for answers. But there were none to be found.

___

More than 1,000 kilometers (600 miles) from Bali, on the Indonesian island of Sulawesi, Ali Fauzi had accustomed chat of the carnage.

He was, he says, as abashed as the blow of the world. Admitting he was one of Jemaah Islamiyah’s best accomplished bombmakers, and admitting three of his brothers had helped arrange the attack, Fauzi says he knew annihilation of the plot.

He was aloft in the east Java apple of Tenggulun, which would become an epicenter of Islamic extremism. His radicalization, he says, was heavily afflicted by his big brother Ali Ghufron. Ghufron, who generally went by the alias Mukhlas, advised at an Islamic boarding academy beneath the airy baton of Jemaah Islamiyah.

In 1994, the accumulation beatific Fauzi to a military-style affected in the Philippines, area he acid his adeptness of explosives. He became Jemaah Islamiyah’s arch bomb instructor, teaching endless men — including his brothers — how to assemble baleful devices.

Everything unraveled afterwards the bombs erupted in Bali.

His brothers Mukhlas, Amrozi and Ali Imron were answerable with the attack, forth with several added associates of Jemaah Islamiyah. Fauzi begin himself on a badge capital account and fled to the Philippines, area he says he was confined for three years on a allegation of illegally abutting the Moro Islamic Liberation Front. He was afresh extradited to Indonesia.

Fauzi was never answerable with the bombings, but he spent months in badge apprehension in Jakarta. It was there that the affection of a badge administrator who helped get him medical analysis began to dent abroad at his aesthetics about bodies he had continued apparent as the enemy.

Yet it wasn’t until a night years later, aback he begin himself staring at a Dutch man alleged Max Boon, that Fauzi absolutely accepted the abhorrence of his life’s work.

___

Boon was sitting in his auberge room, cat-and-mouse for a above agitator to beating on his door. He was terrified.

Four years earlier, a suicide adviser had detonated his accessories in the Jakarta JW Marriott antechamber lounge, area then-33-year-old Boon was accessory a business breakfast. Badge doubtable the advance had been orchestrated by Jemaah Islamiyah.

Boon suffered burns to over 70 percent of his body. Doctors amputated best of his larboard leg and his lower appropriate leg.

Yet the advance hadn’t annoyed Boon’s accepting in the advantage of humans. He believed that had the adviser met him afore the Marriott attack, he adeptness acquire accomplished Boon wasn’t his enemy.

Boon threw himself into peacebuilding efforts, animate through the International Centre for Counter-Terrorism at the Hague.

Fauzi, meanwhile, had been animate to advice deradicalize Islamic militants above Indonesia. Which is how he concluded up afraid easily with Boon at a agitation acquaintance appointment in 2013.

Boon had already been planning a activity in which agitation victims would allotment their accepting with accepting in areas targeted by agitator recruiters. He arrive Fauzi to stop by his allowance to altercate the idea.

Though Fauzi was not affiliated to the bombing that destroyed Boon’s legs, Boon knew his history. As he waited, a aphotic anticipation ashamed him: What if Fauzi was advancing to accomplishment the job?

But as Fauzi listened to the Dutch man allocution about peace, he acquainted his affection crack.

That Boon, who was of a altered faith, could absolve those who had acquired him such affliction rocked Fauzi to his core. He stared at the handsome adolescent man sitting afore him, with no legs area legs should be. And for the aboriginal time, he absolutely accepted what a bomb does to a anatomy and to a life.

Fauzi began to cry, and captivated Boon in a hug. Boon hugged him back. Fauzi bound agreed to accommodated added victims.

At the airport the abutting day, Fauzi sailed through security. But Boon’s prosthetic legs set off the metal detector, banishment him to abide a pat-down. Boon angry to Fauzi and quipped: “So the above agitator they let airing through, but the victim they acquire to control.”

The above bombmaker access out bedlam and a accord was born.

They had begin the altruism in anniversary other. Boon could abandoned achievement that aback the others met Fauzi, they would acquisition the same.

___

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Erniati was bushing her bowl at a auberge cafe aback Fauzi aboriginal approached her. Her affection pounded. How had she gotten here?

Months earlier, Boon had met with Erniati and several added bombing victims to present his idea. Erniati had balked.

For 12 years, she had struggled to move above her anger. The executions of Amrozi, Mukhlas and addition bedevilled perpetrator had brought her no relief. The anticipation of sitting bottomward with a above agitator articulate crazy.

A few victims, however, agreed to accommodated Fauzi for AIDA’s pilot project. Afterward, their reviews were positive. Erniati broiled to the idea. Maybe he could acknowledgment her questions.

But now, staring at Fauzi central the auberge area she and four added victims had aggregate to accommodated him, she had no abstraction what to ask.

Fauzi’s affection was pounding, too. “Hello,” he said with a smile. “How are you?”

Erniati bristled. How could he smile afterwards what he had done?

Her acknowledgment was curt: “I’m from Bali.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I apologize for what my brothers and my accompany acquire done.”

But Erniati couldn’t get accomplished his grin.

Fauzi saw the way the added victims were attractive at him.

They abhorrence me, he thought.

___

That night, Fauzi couldn’t sleep. He lay in bed, annoyed over what to say to Erniati and the others at their aboriginal official meeting.

When they assuredly convened about a table, Fauzi acquainted like a actor on trial. Afresh Erniati began to acquaint her story.

As Fauzi listened, his amateurishness morphed into anguish. The angel of Erniati analytic for Gede amidst the smoker ruins, of her struggles to accession their sons alone, was unbearable.

Fauzi had continued been appreciative of his abilities as a bombmaker. But in that moment, he admired he could abolish aggregate he’d anytime accepted about bombs.

He began to weep. “I’m sorry,” he said through tears. “I’m actual sorry.”

Erniati looked at Fauzi and acquainted article about-face aural her. He was in pain, aloof as she was. Their affliction came from altered places, but it was affliction all the same.

What he said meant beneath to her than what he felt. To Erniati, affliction are aloof words. But the adeptness to acquire addition person’s suffering, she says, goes to the amount of who you are.

The acrimony that had continued suffocated her began to lift.

Fauzi absolved himself to ablution his tearstained face. Aback he returned, he told his own story, about his aisle in and out of abolitionist ideology, and his charge to peace.

His apologies, though, were not accustomed by all. One victim angrily alone his words.

Fauzi understood. Were the bearings reversed, he says, he doubts he would be as accepting as Boon and Erniati.

Over the abutting few years, Erniati and Fauzi grew closer. They visited schools with AIDA, administration their adventure of reconciliation. Fauzi started a foundation alleged the Circle of Peace, which helps deradicalize extremists. Erniati was confused by his efforts, which seemed a 18-carat advance to atone.

One day, Erniati asked Fauzi if she could see his home. It was a beauteous request; The bombers had advised the advance that asleep her bedmate in a abode not far away, and Mukhlas and Amrozi’s families animate aloof above the street.

But she capital to see how Fauzi lived. And so, with some trepidation, Boon and others from AIDA agreed. As their car formed into Fauzi’s village, Erniati acquainted like she was entering a lion’s den.

When she accustomed at Fauzi’s home, however, she begin it reassuringly normal. There was laundry broadcast around, aloof like at her house. Fauzi alien her to his wife and accouchement and showed her his goats.

When he had to breach abroad to advise a chic at Islamic school, he beatific the accumulation to a baptize esplanade with his acquaintance Iswanto, addition above Jemaah Islamiyah militant. Erniati and Iswanto rode the rollercoaster together; for her, the ride was scarier than the ancient terrorist.

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She and Fauzi became accompany on Facebook. Fauzi beatific Erniati a gem she had already mentioned was beautiful. She had it fabricated into a necklace.

But she still couldn’t acquire what his brothers had done.

___

Erniati stands barefoot on the verandah of her bashful home, slicing scissors through atramentous bolt as Hindu chants arena out from a adjacent temple. This is how she has kept her ancestors animate for 17 years, through a baby apparel aggregation an Australian man set up for Balinese bombing widows.

Her colleague, Warti, swings by. Like Erniati, Warti’s bedmate was asleep in the attack. Unlike Erniati, she has no admiration to accommodated anyone associated with his killers. For her, all of that is best larboard in the past. To accommodated now, she says, would abandoned account her added pain.

“I don’t appetite to abide and accumulate cerebration about it,” she says.

Erniati understands this. She runs the Isana Dewata Foundation, an advancement accumulation for bombing victims, and knows anybody heals in altered ways.

And adaptation doesn’t advice everyone. Karen Brouneus, a Swedish psychologist, advised the furnishings of Rwanda’s post-genocide, community-based cloister system, which focused on reconciliation. Her analysis of 1,200 Rwandans begin that those who alternate in the courts had college levels of abasement and PTSD than those who didn’t.

Those who acquire advised adaptation efforts say victims charge never be affected into them. The victims in AIDA’s programs are all voluntary, Boon says. The foundation additionally anxiously vets above extremists to ensure they acquire absolutely reformed, blockage their accomplishments with Indonesian advisers and boring accepting to apperceive them.

AIDA says the after-effects of its efforts acquire been promising: Friendships acquire formed amidst above terrorists and victims. And afterwards administration their accepting at schools, students’ attitudes against abandon afflicted significantly, includinga 68% abatement in those who accede they’re advantaged to animus if they or their ancestors fell victim to violence.

Fauzi himself acknowledges that adaptation wouldn’t assignment for every above militant.

“I apprehend that bodies are altered from one another,” he says. “So it’s not accessible to booty their hearts as a whole.”

The character of these bonds is article that Jo Berry understands intimately. In 1984, Berry’s ancestor was asleep in a bombing by the Irish Republican Army. In 2000, she asked to accommodated the man who buried the bomb, Patrick Magee, and the two became friends. Yet she has met affluence of above IRA activists she hopes to never accommodated again.

“It’s not like there’s one formula,” she says. “And that’s why I anticipate it’s absolutely hard.”

Erniati begin that her amore against Fauzi did not backpack over to his brothers. In 2015, she visited one of them, Ali Imron, in jail. He too apologized, but she wasn’t convinced.

Her animosity against the accomplished Amrozi and Mukhlas are alike added muddied.

When it comes to them, she says, she aloof wants to forget.

___

On a brilliant morning in east Java, Erniati and Fauzi sit on his couch, nibbling dates. The smile that already affronted Erniati she now returns.

Outside, about a dozen ex-Jemaah Islamiyah militants adapt for a bounded bike race. Erniati smiles affably at them, but keeps her distance.

Fauzi still wrestles with guilt, but Erniati’s accepting of him has lessened the sting.

Erniati continues to accommodated with above militants. She hopes her adventure can put them on the appropriate path. Her anguish allotment on occasion. But her acrimony is gone.

Later, she active to cafeteria with Iswanto, the ex-militant with whom she’d ridden the rollercoaster years before. Forth the way, he gestures against a fenced-off asylum on the ancillary of the road.

This, he tells her, is the burying armpit of Amrozi and Mukhlas.

Erniati stares at the blooming plot. Someday, she says, she would like to abode flowers on their graves and accelerate up a prayer.

She will adjure for God to absolve the men who asleep her husband.

Not because she accepts what they did. But because if God can absolve them, alike if she can’t, afresh maybe their alcohol can advice accompany the apple what Fauzi’s accord helped accompany her: peace.

___

Associated Press biographer Niniek Karmini contributed to this report.

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